onlytobenormal | been too long (for siswinchester)

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siswinchester

been too long (for siswinchester)

It had been two months and three days. He'd been counting, as much as he hadn't wanted to be this hung up on his sister's visits or not. They'd talked... quite a bit over the phone, though he'd shied away from what they'd done over the weekend for the most part. Mostly because he'd been freaked out for the first couple weeks as the realization sunk in and then he didn't... know how to bring it up over the phone.

He didn't know what to say about the fact he'd fucked his own sister multiple times, that he knew it hadn't been just-- for the physical thrill of it. But the more time he had to make peace with the fact, the less the guilt weighed on him. It hadn't felt wrong, it hadn't-- been wrong. It had been between them, it hadn't hurt anyone else.

He didn't know if that meant they should do it again... probably not. It couldn't go anywhere or be anything, it sure as hell didn't factor into this new life of his. Unfortunately, he didn't know if logically knowing something was a bad idea would mean crap if he was faced with a drunk, horny sister again, especially when he couldn't help but thin of those times together. Not that he was going to admit most his fantasies involved his own sister riding him, calling out for him.

Especially not to said sister.

Despite all the risks though, Sam finally convinced her to come for a visit and she promised, promised she'd be in by Friday after his classes. Sam would be lying if he said he wasn't anxiously checking his watch, waiting... trying to keep his thoughts from drifting to what he'd like to be doing with her this weekend--which involved mostly varying states of undress in the middle of just hanging out like they used to.

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"I'm not surprised you keep a stash of food, dude."

He shifted a little, uncomfortably at the prompt to probably explain more of what he meant. It was risking turning this visit sour and he knew it... considering neither one of them had been overly eager to talk about what they'd done, but...

"Yeah... all the time, actually. A lot about, uh, your last visit." He bit back the heat that threatened to rise to his cheeks, shrugging. "Not that--I mean, I don't expect that to happen again, if you don't want it to, but..."

Crap, he was fumbling over his words and making an idiot out of himself. He paused, forcing himself to look over at her. "It's just hard to forget about."

Dana was about to comment that, yeah, she thought about it a lot too, until of course he went on to say he didn't expect it to happen again. What had she been expecting? Him to want to have a fling with his own sister? Biting her tongue, she looked away from him again, focusing ahead. "Hey, I'm...sorry. I mean, I don't want you to be uncomfortable around me Sammy, if it makes you feel better, I don't plan on us drinking again at least." She tried for a light tone, though there was a queasy feeling in her stomach. Maybe he had gotten over it, just stuck with sick memories of what he did with his sister? Her mind was flying a mile a minute with thoughts like that, like him trying to forget, but she scarred him or something. It made a frown tug at her lips, even though she didn't want to let it show.

"What--" he started, eyes going a little wide. No, that's not... "I'm not uncomfortable, Dana," he murmured.

Not exactly. He had been. He'd felt sick with himself, felt confused, but... that had eased up by now. That might not be a good thing, depending on your perspective, but... "I just didn't want you to think that was-- the only reason I wanted you to come visit or whatever. Really do just... miss hanging out with you sometimes."

He shrugged, eyes trailing away from her. "I do think... we might need to talk about it though."

"I never thought that was the only reason you wanted me to visit...." She mumbled, still unable to look back at him.

The frown remained, feeling maybe a bit uncomfortable herself. Damn it, this was hard. She didn't know what to do, and hell if she liked talking about things, but that was usually just a general rule.

"We can....talk when we get to your place, kay?" She really didn't want to though. She was..afraid. Of what, she wasn't sure.

"Good..." he was quiet for a moment or so, just listening to her. It wasn't hard to tell she was uncomfortable and that's not how he wanted things to go. Not how he wanted to start the visit off... though he wasn't exactly sure what he'd expected out of this visit or mentioning that crap.

But it was better to get it out in the open now than let it be the elephant in the room, right?

Yeah-- right. He was right. They should...talk about it, before she ended up doing something foolish like jumping him in his living room when she had the chance, because damn it all if she still didn't want to kiss him. And, well, do other things to him.

She thought with the time away she would get over it, but it just seemed to have gotten worse, the urge. It was a long silence until she was parking outside his apartment, running her hand through her hair in that anxious way of hers.

He might not mind the whole being jumped in his living room thing, honestly. It was a lot less daunting than talking about what they had here. When they got to the building, he slipped out of the car quietly and led the way inside and up to his place, waiting until they were tucked inside to give Dana a quick look finally.

"You can put your things in my room, if you want."

"Uh, right." She nodded, disappearing back into his room for a moment to drop the bag. She made it a point not to look at his bed.

When she returned to his living room, she sighed, plopping down on his couch. "So. What-- ah, what do you...want to talk about exactly?"

He shrugged when she returned, looking off to the side. "I... Jesus, Dana, I don't know." He didn't know how to start off the talk any more than he did the last time she was here.

"You've never really-- said how you felt about it, you know? I don't know if you want to do it again or if you regret it... And if you don't regret it, I don't know what that'll mean." He forced himself to look back at her. "I mean, I still think about what we did all the time and I know it's wrong and sick, but I still enjoyed it, still--"

Well, he was still fighting the urge even now, but he couldn't bring himself to say that yet. "I just want to know if we're cool or whatever."

Dana was quiet after that, biting at the inside of her cheek as she took in everything he said. After a moment, she sighed, leaning forward, eyebrows furrowed in thought.

"I just--" She paused. "I don't regret it, is the thing. And God, all I could think about when I was away was..." She looked away from him, feeling ridiculous. He said it was wrong and sick, but she just couldn't bring herself to feel that way. She couldn't tell him that all she thought about was sleeping with him. How her body had craved it. But it wasn't just about the sex was the thing that worried her the most.

Shrugging, she glanced back at him. "Yeah, 'course we're cool Sammy."

'I don't regret it' seemed to help release some of that tension and worry. He didn't either... God, how could he? It had felt good, it had felt perfectly normal. And it was stupid... one of the stupidest decisions of his life, he knew it, but he was stepping forward to take her by the shoulders lightly, press a kiss tentatively to her lips.

This couldn't go anywhere and honestly, it was setting them both up for something horrible, honestly, but... right now, it felt too tempting to ignore. "Been thinking the same things, Dana."

This was what she had been waiting for, needing since the moment she left. As soon as his lips touched hers, the whole try to act like what happened didn't matter routine was ruined. She sighed, tilting her face back to kiss him better, reach up a hand to cup his jaw.

Running her thumb against his skin, she closed her eyes, pulling back slightly to talk against his mouth. "Really?"

"Yeah..." He smiled, tipping into her hand. "Sorry... wasn't-- planning on doing that. Didn't know if you'd actually let me."

But now that she was, now that she was actually letting him touch and seeming content with it, he couldn't quite stop. He leaned in again, kissing her a little deeper, letting his hands drop to her waist to draw her in.

"Heh, if you hadn't...I probably would have." She admitted, pressing close as his hands slid down to pull her in by her hips.

This was all very self destructive of them, addicting even. She craved him like nothing else. Crushing her mouth back to his once more, she slipped her hand into his hair, missing the feel of it slipping through her fingers.

He returned the kiss eagerly, letting out a soft noise when she grabbed at his hair. His hand went from her hip up her back, just holding her close, kissing her deeply. God, this was all he'd wanted, needed.

"Missed you..." she sighed, nipping at his lower lip, leaning into his chest. "Fuck, missed this."

"God, me too, Dana," he murmured, nudging her back towards the couch. "Kept thinking about all the stuff we did and all the stuff I'd love to do."

And he was relieved that she wasn't going to freak out. Maybe he shouldn't be, but it seemed more important to just focus on getting her down onto the couch and close as possible.

Dana moved back, pulling him down on top of her when they reached the couch. "And what would you love to do, hm?" She asked, kissing at his neck, nuzzling against his skin.

She was just about as relieved Sam wasn't going to have a freak out, because she was pretty damn sure he was going to.

Maybe later, but right now, he was just desperate to couch. "Right now?" He flashed a playful look, pulling away to meet her eyes.

"Getting you naked as quick as possible is top priority."

Dana approved of the look he gave her, smirking and returning it with one of her own as she looked back up at him.

"That so? All you have to do is ask nicely Sammy." She teased, wiggling slightly beneath his weight.

"Then..." He pulled away, sitting back on his heels and dragging his palms down over the other's hips, unable to quit touching entirely. "Would you please undress for me, Dana?"

Chuckling, she sat up a bit more, giving him a smile as she reached down to peel her shirt up and over her head. Tossing that away, she reached down to start wiggling her pants off.

"So, gonna leave me to be naked all alone then?" She asked after she kicked those away.

He snorted at that. "Gimme a minute." He reached up to tug off his shirt, tossing it somewhere over his shoulder then reached down to start working his jeans off along with his underwear.

As soon as he was naked, he leaned back over Dana, guiding one of her legs up over his hips, groaning at the contact between their bodies. "God, missed this..."

"Mm..." She eyed him as he stripped as well, unhooking her bra and slipping that off to add to the pile of clothing. God damn, he looked better than she remembered. She couldn't help but reach out, run her hands down his chest as he leaned back over her, making a low sound as she hooked her leg around his hip and pressed close.

"Fuckin' missed this too." More than she really should, but she couldn't lie, especially with him on top of her like this right now.

He bent down to kiss her deeply, his hands smoothing up her hips and stomach, one moving up to cup her breast as he ground himself against her slowly. "Yeah... been thinking about this, Dana?"

He nipped at her neck. "Bet you missed this couch, huh?"

been too long (for siswinchester)

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