onlytobenormal | this was always built to crash [for samefivealbums]

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this was always built to crash [for samefivealbums]

Sam hadn't been gone an hour and that alone should alert Dean to something being wrong. Today should have been a long one--full of late classes and maybe meeting with friends after and getting in just in time to see his big brother off in time for work. Maybe give him something more than just a goodbye kiss, if they were both feeling up for it.

But it wasn't the case today. Sam was running in the front door, slamming it shut behind him. He looked breathless and flushed, like he'd been running and wide-eyed... maybe even scared. He didn't know if Dean would be awake or still resting up before work, but maybe the ruckus would have startled him. Either way, plans had changed, things had gone to shit like he'd feared they would right from the start.

Maybe he'd cry if every instinct in him wasn't screaming to run, to hide, and maybe to protect his big brother, protect them. Oh god, they'd need protecting too.

"Dean!" he called out, moving towards the bedroom. "Dean, we need to talk, now."

God, what were they going to do... this was so bad.

Everyone... God, everyone he knew and even people he didn't-- they knew. They knew and there was everything from disgust to filthy comments that had his stomach turning to... oh god, just everything. Even offers to help him get help of some kind to questioning if Dean was making him do this somehow because who could possibly fuck their own sibling willingly--which nearly got him to lose his temper.

That's when he left.

But that wasn't even the end more disturbing news. There was so much more than that.

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That earned a short snort, eyebrows arching. "Getting a little hungry there, dude?"

"Maybe a little. I did just work up an appetite." He grinned and kissed Sam again. "C'mon. Let's find a place to eat and get stuffed, come back, and lay around all day?"

Well, after they walked Ozzy.

He returned that kiss, smiling. "Yeah, okay. Give me a minute to, uh, rinse off a little, alright? Kinda got me sticky."

Laying around all day sounded good... after they tended to Ozzy, of course. And ate. Sam was actually starting to get a little hungry too...

"I like you sticky," he teased and kissed Sam again. It was good to see him smiling.

Dean let go and stepped back to give Sam room to clean off. He needed a quick rinse, too, but he didn't mind letting Sam go first. After that, food!

"You must." He made quick work washing up so Dean could have a go at the water, stepping out to give him room. He grabbed for a towel, drying off as he headed out to his bag to get some clothes on.

Dean didn't linger long once Sam was out of the shower. He rinsed off quick and shut off the water, stepping out to grab a towel and dry off. Then he headed into the room to grab clothes. Ozzy was up and sitting at Sam's feet, tail wagging eagerly. Walk first, definitely.

He went to his bag and dug in to get clean clothes.

Sam smiled at the puppy now sitting at his feet, reaching down to pick him up so he could get his leash on him. "Think breakfast's going to have to wait a bit, dude... think Ozzy needs a walk first."

"Sounds good. I'll be right behind ya, soon as I get dressed and throw my boots on." Didn't look like Ozzy could wait much longer. He chuckled to himself as he pulled on jeans and a t-shirt, then went looking for where he'd kicked off his boots.

"Alright..." Once Ozzy was in his harness and leash, he moved to the door, carryin the dog outside since the pup seemed pretty eager to get out. Felt kind of nice to be doing something... normal still.

A few minutes later, Dean emerged from the motel room. He stuffed the key into his pocket and jogged to catch up with Sam and Ozzy. Shoved his hands in his pockets and walked along beside Sam. "What do you feel like for breakfast?"

"Hmm... not sure. Think I saw a little place not far from here, if you want to check it out." He shrugged, watching Ozzy curiously sniffing everything, excited over the new scenery.

"What are you in the mood for?"

"Anything's fine. We can check out the place you saw." Dean smiled at the excited puppy. Ozzy never got down about anything. Then again, that might have something to do with how spoiled he was.

"Maybe an omelette. Dunno."

"Omelette actually sounds good, actually..." Sam was still smiling a little bit at the puppy.

"You think he has any idea something pretty bad just happened?" Because he seemed pretty ecstatic right now to be snooping around a crappy little motel somewhere.

Dean smiled and shook his head, watching their dog still loving life. "I think he's got no idea. As far as he's concerned, we've devised a fun new game for him."

Sam snorted a little at that. "Definitely. Guess he's enjoying motel life at the moment."

He shifted a little closer to Dean as they walked, free hand in his pocket. "Man, still doesn't feel... I don't know, like it's really happened, you know?"

"Ozzy's a man of simple needs," Dean agreed, smiling down at their puppy.

Sam's second comment brought him back to the present and he nodded again, bumping his shoulder gently against his brother's. "I know. It feels like one of our weekends off and we'll be headed home, soon." He laughed ruefully and shook his head. "Been a while since a place was 'home'. Kinda gonna miss it."

"Yeah..." He tilted his head down, shrugging. "Me too, Dean. Do you really think we should try again? Somewhere else?"

"I think it's a possibility. I don't actually know what the alternatives would be. I mean, it's not like you're gonna want to go back to the hunting life, right?" He shrugged, glancing over at Sam. Hunting and the brief stint of 'normal and settled' at Stanford was all Dean knew. If there was another option, he wasn't seeing it.

Sam shrugged, shaking his head. "I just... I tried normal and I kinda failed at it, Dean. I ended up being more of a freak than I ever was back in high school actually."

And yeah, okay, it was still fresh and it still stung to see the reactions of everyone he'd considered a friend. It was understandable none of them had been approving... he'd actually approve of that crap? But still... didn't exactly leave him open to setting himself up for it again so soon.

"You really think no one's going to find out about us again?"

It stung a little to be the thing that made Sam 'more of a freak', but he let it go. It was more or less his fault, anyway. "I'm just considering options. I don't know what else to do."

He glanced over and nodded. "Always gonna be a possibility for us, I think. Unless we pack up and leave for another country where no one knows us. I really don't know how else to keep it completely safe."

He was a freak all on his own, even if Dean hadn't-- wanted this or had walked out on it. He'd wanted it and he'd be lying if he said he hadn't. He should probably feel more guilty about it than he did, more ashamed. "I know, Dean..."

He didn't know what to do either. "I don't either... I wish I did. I guess we just--decide after we go back to the apartment for the rest of our stuff. I don't know."

"Guess there's no rush." He shrugged. "If you're completely sure that you're not going back to Stanford -- and I definitely see why you'd make that decision -- then, there's really no need to rush into a choice. Like you said, we can always take that roadtrip. Maybe we'll stumble across some place we wanna settle on?"

"Dean, I mean, it's not like I want to leave school, but... how the hell can I go back? Either people are disgusted or wanting to help me get help or just... they don't even know how to act." He shrugged, starting to direct them back towards the motel.

"I can't face that every day, people looking at me like I'm wrong or-- people thinking you're forcing it on me or manipulating me some way." He paused, looking down. "I mean, I know it's wrong, what we do... at least to most people, but it-- doesn't feel that way when we're together. Does it?"

It never felt perverted or disgusting... he just-- loved Dean. In ways he shouldn't, but that... argument with himself became old a long time ago. "Yeah... maybe we'll find another place."

Felt more like wishful thinking at this point though.

"I know, Sam. I understand." He really kind of did. It didn't make it any easier, though. The need to help Sam... fix what was wrong... was still a powerful drive, even now.

He reached over and pressed a hand gently between his brother's shoulder blades. "Take a few days. A few weeks if you want. We'll roam around, see what sticks. I'm gonna back you up, whatever you decide."

"Alright..." He sighed at the touch, looking over his shoulder at the other. Appreciated the support, that Dean wasn't-- running as far away as possible after this fiasco. "Thanks, Dean..."

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this was always built to crash [for samefivealbums]

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