onlytobenormal | this was always built to crash [for samefivealbums]

Sam hadn't been gone an hour and that alone should alert Dean to something being wrong. Today should have been a long one--full of late classes and maybe meeting with friends after and getting in just in time to see his big brother off in time for work. Maybe give him something more than just a goodbye kiss, if they were both feeling up for it.

But it wasn't the case today. Sam was running in the front door, slamming it shut behind him. He looked breathless and flushed, like he'd been running and wide-eyed... maybe even scared. He didn't know if Dean would be awake or still resting up before work, but maybe the ruckus would have startled him. Either way, plans had changed, things had gone to shit like he'd feared they would right from the start.

Maybe he'd cry if every instinct in him wasn't screaming to run, to hide, and maybe to protect his big brother, protect them. Oh god, they'd need protecting too.

"Dean!" he called out, moving towards the bedroom. "Dean, we need to talk, now."

God, what were they going to do... this was so bad.

Everyone... God, everyone he knew and even people he didn't-- they knew. They knew and there was everything from disgust to filthy comments that had his stomach turning to... oh god, just everything. Even offers to help him get help of some kind to questioning if Dean was making him do this somehow because who could possibly fuck their own sibling willingly--which nearly got him to lose his temper.

That's when he left.

But that wasn't even the end more disturbing news. There was so much more than that.

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"Whatever you need." He ran a hand through Sam's hair lightly. Not like he was in any hurry to take action right now. He just needed to keep his mind distracted, otherwise he'd collapse in on a wave of self-pity and that wouldn't do Sam much good.

"Mmm... suppose so. Could always pretend it's a vacation."

"Mm, guess so." He curled in a little tighter, nuzzling into the other's chest. Wished it'd be easy to pretend it was just a vacation and that he'd be going back to school when it was all over, but...

"So, where do we go?"

"Anywhere you want." He stroked his hands down Sam's back, enjoying the feel of his brother cuddled up close again. It felt reassuring to have him touching and kissing again, when he was worried that this incident at Stanford might drive him away.

"I'll have to think," he murmured, letting his eyes drift shut as Dean's hands moved down his back. He couldn't lose this on top of everything else too...

Be easier if he could just let this go, maybe, but it wasn't as simple as that.

"Mmm'kay." In the meantime, he was content to just lay and rub long lines against Sam's back until they had to get up for some reason or another. Maybe they'd get up and go to breakfast in a little while, but not yet. He was warm and comfortable. "Wanna stay here another night? Or keep driving?"

Sam was just as content to lay there tangled up with Dean. It was comforting at least, the contact between them. "Guess we can stay another night... decide where we want to go in the morning or something."

He tipped his head back, watching the other a few moments thoughtfully. "Guess we should get up soon... need a shower before we figure out breakfast."

"We don't have to. Just curious." He leaned up and kissed Sam when he glanced up at him. "Is that an offer or an observation?"

"It's fine, Dean... I don't know where else to go anyway, not right now." He smiled into that kiss lightly. "Mm, offer if you want it to be." Not like they hadn't routinely started sharing showers anyway.

"Always want it to be." There was nothing he liked better than to be naked with Sam in any way he could. And being close to him right now was more important than anything else.

"Always going to be." He reluctantly drew away, climbing out from under the covers because yeah, they couldn't just stay in bed all day, tempting as it was, they'd need food soon. Ozzy'd probably want a walk soon too... "I'll start the water."

He headed into the bathroom then, getting everything ready and slipping out of his clothes.

Dean watched Sam walk away and then stretched. He rolled to his feet, paused at the other bed to give their -- admittedly spoiled -- mutt a scratch, and then headed into the bathroom to join his brother.

He sidled up behind Sam and kissed his shoulder softly.

Sam turned at that kiss, giving Dean a quick peck to the cheek. "Hey..." He stepped into the shower soon after, sighing under the spray of water while he waited on his brother to join him.

"Hey." He followed Sam in and closed the curtain, immediately wrapping his arms around his brother and pulling him close. Kissed him long and soft. "Love you."

He sighed when Dean pulled him in, his own arms settling around his brother as he pressed into that kiss. "Love you too, Dean."

He tipped his head forward to rest against Dean's, eyes drifting shut. He was quiet a moment, just enjoying the feel of Dean pressed up against him, but eventually, he had to ask something that had been picking at the back of his brain, nagging at him. "Any regrets about any of this?"

"Only that you got hurt." He kissed Sam's temple and squeezed him a little tighter. "I don't like that there's something I can't fix... I can't protect you from it."

"Dude, you kinda got hurt too, you know... I mean, I know you liked it there too." He smoothed his hands up the other's sides slowly, nuzzling him. "It helps that you're here... just don't go anywhere."

"Yeah," he agreed reluctantly. The truth was he did like it there. He liked having a home and a job. He even started making friends for the first time in years. "I'm not going anywhere, Sammy. Not without you."

He lifted his head to press a soft kiss to his lips again, his hand coming up to rest on Dean's face gently, tipping him into the contact, while his other arm stayed settled around his brother, keeping him close.

Dean returned the kiss, happy to lean into him and keep him close. The kisses stayed soft and long. It made him want Sam closer. He held on tighter and sighed gently against his brother's lips.

That was just nice, the soft, unhurried kisses, the press of Dean against his body. One thing that still felt right in his life at least, felt good. Much as he loved Dean, he kind of hoped that wasn't the end of that 'normal life' though a larger part of him didn't quite believe he had what it took to live it. Hopefully, that feeling would go away.

"Dean..." He murmured the other's name softly against his lips, grazing his own against him again as he was pulled in tighter.

"Tell me what you need right now, Sammy." He murmured back, kissing him again. His hands roamed lightly over his brother's body, one sliding low to take hold of him and stroke very gently.

That was a hard question to answer when he didn't know, really. He felt off-balance, reeling. It was hard to even think about something as simple as being in a shower with Dean, something so intimate that he was used to, loved. Didn't exactly feel safe screwing around with Dean right now, but it was still something that felt good, that he wanted.

God, he still had it bad and he really shouldn't... should be keeping the distance. Maybe later, maybe when he wasn't aching for some kind of comfort, wanting to give it back to Dean.

Sighing out softly, he pressed against his brother's hand, nuzzling at him affectionately. "Want to feel you pressing me up against the wall, Dean," he murmured, kissing him a little deeper. "Want you fucking me until you're all I can even focus on..."

this was always built to crash [for samefivealbums]

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