onlytobenormal | been too long (for siswinchester)

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siswinchester

been too long (for siswinchester)

It had been two months and three days. He'd been counting, as much as he hadn't wanted to be this hung up on his sister's visits or not. They'd talked... quite a bit over the phone, though he'd shied away from what they'd done over the weekend for the most part. Mostly because he'd been freaked out for the first couple weeks as the realization sunk in and then he didn't... know how to bring it up over the phone.

He didn't know what to say about the fact he'd fucked his own sister multiple times, that he knew it hadn't been just-- for the physical thrill of it. But the more time he had to make peace with the fact, the less the guilt weighed on him. It hadn't felt wrong, it hadn't-- been wrong. It had been between them, it hadn't hurt anyone else.

He didn't know if that meant they should do it again... probably not. It couldn't go anywhere or be anything, it sure as hell didn't factor into this new life of his. Unfortunately, he didn't know if logically knowing something was a bad idea would mean crap if he was faced with a drunk, horny sister again, especially when he couldn't help but thin of those times together. Not that he was going to admit most his fantasies involved his own sister riding him, calling out for him.

Especially not to said sister.

Despite all the risks though, Sam finally convinced her to come for a visit and she promised, promised she'd be in by Friday after his classes. Sam would be lying if he said he wasn't anxiously checking his watch, waiting... trying to keep his thoughts from drifting to what he'd like to be doing with her this weekend--which involved mostly varying states of undress in the middle of just hanging out like they used to.

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Well, she hadn't surprised him with any embarrassing moments with his friends--that was good. That was really good, honestly. He smiled when he spotted her settled on the hood of the Impala and didn't waist a moment heading over to her. "Dana, you're here."

When he left for college... hell, for the year and some months that followed, he couldn't even bring himself to talk about her, let alone ever let himself think he'd be overly thrilled to see her. But here he was, actually... happy to see that familiar face. His smile lengthened as he came to a stop in front of her.

"You want to head to my place or something? We can order a pizza if you're too tired to go out."

It was almost pathetic the urge to go to him and kiss him until she couldn't breath was. God, she wanted to. But she kept herself where she was, feet planted on the ground unless they started to move against her will.

The smile he beamed at her though was damn near contagious and she grinned back as he stopped about a foot away from her (a foot too far in her opinion). " 'course I'm here, where else would I be?" She teased with a roll of her eyes at that, though he couldn't see it behind the dark tint of her sunglasses.

Her hands were twitching in her pockets as she looked up at him. She wanted to reach out, touch him. The hell did she start having urges like this? Shrugging, she pushed up off the hood. "Sounds fine by me, I'm starving though, so you better make sure that pizza gets there fast." Were they just going to act normal? It was a bit strange to be interacting with him like this, especially after what happened and the following two months she went without him again.

It wasn't like the desire wasn't there to crush her back against him... he'd had two months to think about that one weekend, to long for it and to try and talk himself out of it. He'd thought he'd mostly been talked out of it, that he'd decided it was stupid... but seeing her here, grinning at him like that--

It was hard. The urges were back and felt harder to ignore than even the last time. Unfortunately, he couldn't exactly act on them in public. "You're always starving, Dana," he protested lightly at that comment, but the teasing hardly stopped him from stepping in fast, letting himself wrap his arms around her.

A hug in public... that was fine.

And damn, he felt it was needed anyway. Two months ago, he hadn't thought she'd come back near him again. "... Missed you, you know," he murmured quietly, maybe a little embarrassed before he drew away.

"Come on, let's go."

Dana had been about to make a quip about that comment, but it was lost the moment she found herself in his arms. Letting out a breath in surprise, it took her a moment to gather herself, before she was pulling her hands from her pockets and curling her arms around him, face burying in his chest briefly. Fuck, this is what she had missed, what she had wanted when she was away. Him, wrapped around her.

Closing her eyes for a second, she nodded against his chest. "Missed you too..."

And then it was over quicker than she would have liked, his warmth gone as he moved back and away from her. Taking a steadying breath, she nodded, starting for the drivers side on maybe a bit of shaky legs. Reduced her to a puddle of girl, God, she was getting more and more pathetic.

God, that had been nice, to have her burying in against him, returning that hug like that. It had been hard to pull away, but it wasn't like they could do more with everyone watching, especially not when there were people who knew who she was thanks to that last visit. He settled in the passenger's seat, leaned an arm out the window as he watched her.

"So... uh." He paused. "How have things been?"

As they slid into the car, she cast a glance over at him as she felt him watching her, an odd beating taking place in her chest. Biting her lip, she focused on driving instead.

"Ah, things have...been. Went to Georgia, some haunting in an old peach packing warehouse. Peaches were good though, think there are some in the trunk if you want one. " She shrugged, not really in the mood to talk jobs. She still didn't want to bring up the kinda...fight she got in with Dad before she was able to show up here. Too early in her visit to start up a discussion like that. "How have you been?" That was the real question, at least, to her.

He snorted. "You've got peaches in your trunk?"

Sam was looking, knew he was, but it was difficult to stop. He was anxious, a little... thought he'd have better self-control at least. He cleared his throat, shifting in his seat. "How have I been?" He shrugged. "Okay. Busy, kinda... like I told you on the phone."

He didn't... know if he should bring up the last visit or not, if she was asking how he felt--well. "Uh, been... thinking about you, a lot," he finally murmured, keeping his eyes fixated out his window again.

"Yea Sammy, I got peaches in my trunk." She rolled her eyes, lips twitching though.

Yeah, she had asked him on the phone, but... Well, that had been on the phone. She was here though, in person, and she sorta wanted to know how he really was. How he felt about her being there again.

Glancing back at him again, she caught sight of him turning to look out the window, barely catching his murmured words.

"...oh?" She asked, wondering what exactly he had been thinking. Was it like what she had been thinking when she was gone? Because God, her nights were hell when she thought about him, how much she wanted him, what they had done together...

"I'm not surprised you keep a stash of food, dude."

He shifted a little, uncomfortably at the prompt to probably explain more of what he meant. It was risking turning this visit sour and he knew it... considering neither one of them had been overly eager to talk about what they'd done, but...

"Yeah... all the time, actually. A lot about, uh, your last visit." He bit back the heat that threatened to rise to his cheeks, shrugging. "Not that--I mean, I don't expect that to happen again, if you don't want it to, but..."

Crap, he was fumbling over his words and making an idiot out of himself. He paused, forcing himself to look over at her. "It's just hard to forget about."

Dana was about to comment that, yeah, she thought about it a lot too, until of course he went on to say he didn't expect it to happen again. What had she been expecting? Him to want to have a fling with his own sister? Biting her tongue, she looked away from him again, focusing ahead. "Hey, I'm...sorry. I mean, I don't want you to be uncomfortable around me Sammy, if it makes you feel better, I don't plan on us drinking again at least." She tried for a light tone, though there was a queasy feeling in her stomach. Maybe he had gotten over it, just stuck with sick memories of what he did with his sister? Her mind was flying a mile a minute with thoughts like that, like him trying to forget, but she scarred him or something. It made a frown tug at her lips, even though she didn't want to let it show.

"What--" he started, eyes going a little wide. No, that's not... "I'm not uncomfortable, Dana," he murmured.

Not exactly. He had been. He'd felt sick with himself, felt confused, but... that had eased up by now. That might not be a good thing, depending on your perspective, but... "I just didn't want you to think that was-- the only reason I wanted you to come visit or whatever. Really do just... miss hanging out with you sometimes."

He shrugged, eyes trailing away from her. "I do think... we might need to talk about it though."

"I never thought that was the only reason you wanted me to visit...." She mumbled, still unable to look back at him.

The frown remained, feeling maybe a bit uncomfortable herself. Damn it, this was hard. She didn't know what to do, and hell if she liked talking about things, but that was usually just a general rule.

"We can....talk when we get to your place, kay?" She really didn't want to though. She was..afraid. Of what, she wasn't sure.

"Good..." he was quiet for a moment or so, just listening to her. It wasn't hard to tell she was uncomfortable and that's not how he wanted things to go. Not how he wanted to start the visit off... though he wasn't exactly sure what he'd expected out of this visit or mentioning that crap.

But it was better to get it out in the open now than let it be the elephant in the room, right?

Yeah-- right. He was right. They should...talk about it, before she ended up doing something foolish like jumping him in his living room when she had the chance, because damn it all if she still didn't want to kiss him. And, well, do other things to him.

She thought with the time away she would get over it, but it just seemed to have gotten worse, the urge. It was a long silence until she was parking outside his apartment, running her hand through her hair in that anxious way of hers.

He might not mind the whole being jumped in his living room thing, honestly. It was a lot less daunting than talking about what they had here. When they got to the building, he slipped out of the car quietly and led the way inside and up to his place, waiting until they were tucked inside to give Dana a quick look finally.

"You can put your things in my room, if you want."

"Uh, right." She nodded, disappearing back into his room for a moment to drop the bag. She made it a point not to look at his bed.

When she returned to his living room, she sighed, plopping down on his couch. "So. What-- ah, what do you...want to talk about exactly?"

He shrugged when she returned, looking off to the side. "I... Jesus, Dana, I don't know." He didn't know how to start off the talk any more than he did the last time she was here.

"You've never really-- said how you felt about it, you know? I don't know if you want to do it again or if you regret it... And if you don't regret it, I don't know what that'll mean." He forced himself to look back at her. "I mean, I still think about what we did all the time and I know it's wrong and sick, but I still enjoyed it, still--"

Well, he was still fighting the urge even now, but he couldn't bring himself to say that yet. "I just want to know if we're cool or whatever."

Dana was quiet after that, biting at the inside of her cheek as she took in everything he said. After a moment, she sighed, leaning forward, eyebrows furrowed in thought.

"I just--" She paused. "I don't regret it, is the thing. And God, all I could think about when I was away was..." She looked away from him, feeling ridiculous. He said it was wrong and sick, but she just couldn't bring herself to feel that way. She couldn't tell him that all she thought about was sleeping with him. How her body had craved it. But it wasn't just about the sex was the thing that worried her the most.

Shrugging, she glanced back at him. "Yeah, 'course we're cool Sammy."

'I don't regret it' seemed to help release some of that tension and worry. He didn't either... God, how could he? It had felt good, it had felt perfectly normal. And it was stupid... one of the stupidest decisions of his life, he knew it, but he was stepping forward to take her by the shoulders lightly, press a kiss tentatively to her lips.

This couldn't go anywhere and honestly, it was setting them both up for something horrible, honestly, but... right now, it felt too tempting to ignore. "Been thinking the same things, Dana."

This was what she had been waiting for, needing since the moment she left. As soon as his lips touched hers, the whole try to act like what happened didn't matter routine was ruined. She sighed, tilting her face back to kiss him better, reach up a hand to cup his jaw.

Running her thumb against his skin, she closed her eyes, pulling back slightly to talk against his mouth. "Really?"

"Yeah..." He smiled, tipping into her hand. "Sorry... wasn't-- planning on doing that. Didn't know if you'd actually let me."

But now that she was, now that she was actually letting him touch and seeming content with it, he couldn't quite stop. He leaned in again, kissing her a little deeper, letting his hands drop to her waist to draw her in.

"Heh, if you hadn't...I probably would have." She admitted, pressing close as his hands slid down to pull her in by her hips.

This was all very self destructive of them, addicting even. She craved him like nothing else. Crushing her mouth back to his once more, she slipped her hand into his hair, missing the feel of it slipping through her fingers.

He returned the kiss eagerly, letting out a soft noise when she grabbed at his hair. His hand went from her hip up her back, just holding her close, kissing her deeply. God, this was all he'd wanted, needed.

"Missed you..." she sighed, nipping at his lower lip, leaning into his chest. "Fuck, missed this."

"God, me too, Dana," he murmured, nudging her back towards the couch. "Kept thinking about all the stuff we did and all the stuff I'd love to do."

And he was relieved that she wasn't going to freak out. Maybe he shouldn't be, but it seemed more important to just focus on getting her down onto the couch and close as possible.

been too long (for siswinchester)

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