onlytobenormal | hitting the road [whatheneeds]

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hitting the road [whatheneeds]

[Really, Sam didn't know how long this could actually last. Dad wasn't an idiot and... eventually, he'd have to figure out what was going on, he'd catch up to them. In the mean time though? Sam had actually felt more at ease than he had in awhile since his change. He wasn't alone, nor was he faced with spending eternity with other vampires who he couldn't trust.

He had Dean... and Dean might resent him one day for this, hate him, but right now... well, he'd take the company.

He headed out of the gas station, pocketing the change for now as he looked over to where Dean was filling up the car.]

So, where are we heading? Or are we just driving as far away from Dad as we can?

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Dean, man... [He let out a sigh and moved to stand in front of Dean, studying him closely.]

You know what'll happen if we can't stick to this...

(ooc: No worries! It happens, haha ♥)

[Dean nodded, suddenly finding himself unable to look his brother in the eye]

Yeah Sammy...I know....

[And he did but...everything hurt. All the time. And he knew something so easy would take away all that pain. He shook his head a little, trying to distract himself. Those thoughts were becoming more and more frequent, he couldn't let himself become that]

[Sam let out a soft sigh and reached out to touch Dean's shoulder. He could feel it too. It hurt and animal blood was disgusting... Just awful.It kept them alive, but it wasn't what they were craving or what would make them feel healthy again.

Sam couldn't imagine his life spent like this forever and that scared the hell out of him.]

What are we going to do, Dean?

[He smiled weakly, still not looking up]. Don't ask me that question, you really won't like the answer...

It's not easy to live with, Dean, feeding on another- on a human. It's a person, not cattle. [He gave Dean a nudge and motioned to the car door.]

Come on, let's split. We need to get somewhere before sun up.

I know....I do, I just.... I haven't felt like myself since...ya know.

[He finally moved again, and headed for the drivers seat]. But...I mean there are bad people out there, right?

I know, Dean... I'm sorry.

[He should have thought about that before he turned Dean, before he decided to feed on him. God- he just hadn't wanted to be alone.]

Yeah, but- [He shrugged, looking down.] They're still people, right?

Yeah, yeah of coarse... [He nodded, averting his eyes again] I'm just saying...there are people out there worse than some of the monsters we've faced. Pedos or murderers or things like that, just like taking out any other monster, right?

[No, not right. Because they were still people. The part of himself that wasn't clouded by hunger screamed at the idea of hurting anybody, even scum like that] Nevermind...forget it... [He shook his head and slipped into the drivers seat]

[Sam settled in the passenger side, chewing his thumb nail as he sunk down. He felt restless and nervous, skittish because God- it was tempting. It was so tempting and so hard to say no.

Even if whatever human side of him was left screamed and twisted against the idea of hurting anybody.] Dean- maybe...

[He trailed off, shaking his head.]

Maybe what? [He looked at Sam out of the corner of his eye as he started up the car. Maybe they should off themselves? Maybe Sam shouldn't have turned him? Sam seemed so much more in control than he was, and he didn't know how to deal with that. This wasn't what he thought it would be like]

Maybe we should do it... [or off themselves or maybe Dean should just off him for doing this to him. Maybe he should have killed himself before seeing Dean, went to Dad first... but God, he'd missed his brother.

He slouched a little further, eyes downcast. He couldn't look at Dean an say all that.] Or whatever you want to do, Dean. You decide. Anything.

[The new part of him, the hungry part, perked up at his brother's words. He sat up in his seat and looked over at Sam, trying his best not to look relieved]

It'd just be a bad person, right? Just...just once, and we'll go from there. He wouldn't have to do it all the time, but it'll be safer this way. If we don't we'll just get hungrier and hungrier and might end up attacking somebody innocent.... [He flashed Sam a pleading look. He hoped his brother understood, he had to]

Yeah... [At this rate, it was true. Dean was getting harder to manage and Sam was slipping too. he finally forced himself to look over and meet Dean's eyes.]

Let's do it, Dean. We just- we have to find someone we know for sure... there can't be any doubts.

[Dean nodded and started up the car. It was too late to do anything about it tonight, so he was going to spend another day hungry]

I'll let you figure it out, okay? So you'll know for sure. We could check news papers, or police records or something...

[He shrugged as he pulled out of the station and started heading towards the nearest town for a motel to hide in for the day.]

Yeah, okay... When we wake up, I'll get on it, okay?

[This was wrong... so wrong. They shouldn't even be considering it, but Sam didn't know what else to do. There wasn't a compromise here, they were starving.]

Let's just get some rest tonight.

Good plan [He sped up a little bit, feeling the tingling on his skin he was starting to learn was like a built in alarm clock that he should head towards cover in the next hour or so]

This...this will be good, okay Sam? Cause I can't keep going like this. You at least got one actual meal, I've been starving for almost a week now. And cold...I'm fucking cold all the time. How do vamps deal with this? How do they not just off themselves? [His hands tightened on the steering wheel, gritting his teeth. He was never good at denying himself things that felt good, especially food and that was all he'd done since he'd turned]

Dean- it wasn't a meal, it was a person. It wasn't exactly something to brag about. [He glared half-hearted at his brother, but honest to God,it was hard to be angry when he kept repeating how he shouldn't have done this to him. He should have left his brother alone.

He let out a resigned sigh and just shrugged.]

You feel warm after you feed. It's... it feels great. You'll feel great. Strong and warm, the hunger won't be driving you crazy. [It felt amazing, even if Sam knew how wrong it was.]

[Dean flinched at Sam's words. Yes, they were people and Dean was a monster for talking that way and dean would be able to feel that way once he'd fed, that's what he had to keep telling himself. He'd be cable to think, he'd go back to being himself, he'd be able to handle all of this once he'd fed. And he'd be strong enough to protect them, strong enough to make sure nobody could hurt them once the hunger wasn't driving him crazy.

And Sam talking about how great feeding was really wasn't helping the pajn]. Thought it wasn't something to brag about...

Thought you wanted to know what it was like. [That was the sickest thing. It didn't feel bad when you were doing it or make you feel worse. It felt amazing, made you want more anyway you could get it.

And he knew Dean was suffering because of it. Knew he was suffering now and it wasn't easy to deal with that. Dean was his brother and he hated seeing him hurt.]

When we find a motel, you can at least have some of my blood... maybe it'll help. And you can't hurt me.

Hearing about it just makes me need it more. [Ge sped up seeing a town in the disyance]. I'm fine, I've taken enough of your blood, I don't need to be a leech. [He hated taking from Sam that way. Besides, drinking sam's blood always made feel feel funny after. He didn't like being dependent on Sam that way]

You're not a leech, Dean... [But he wasn't going to force it on him. At least there was a town up ahead and maybe, just maybe, they could go to sleep and forget about all this until night.]

If I feed off you then you're still hungry, I'm not gonna do that. I'm supposed to take care of you Sam. [He frowned as he pulled off the road]

I can handle it, Dean... especially if we're going to feed soon anyway. [And he'd rather be the one suffering than Dean anyway. He was the one who did this to him, so he kind of deserved it, didn't he?]

Not a chance. Besides, it makes me feel weird. You can feed on me though if you want. [This strange urge to stay close to Sam]. Fuck I never thought I'd wish I'd studied more about vamps.

Weird, how? [He licked his lips at the offer though, turning his eyes to watch Dean. Feed on him... feeding in general was always tempting.] You think you could handle that, dude? I don't want you to hurt because of me...

[He nodded at that though.] Me too. Maybe you can see what you can dig up while I work tonight.

hitting the road [whatheneeds]

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