onlytobenormal | this was always built to crash [for samefivealbums]

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this was always built to crash [for samefivealbums]

Sam hadn't been gone an hour and that alone should alert Dean to something being wrong. Today should have been a long one--full of late classes and maybe meeting with friends after and getting in just in time to see his big brother off in time for work. Maybe give him something more than just a goodbye kiss, if they were both feeling up for it.

But it wasn't the case today. Sam was running in the front door, slamming it shut behind him. He looked breathless and flushed, like he'd been running and wide-eyed... maybe even scared. He didn't know if Dean would be awake or still resting up before work, but maybe the ruckus would have startled him. Either way, plans had changed, things had gone to shit like he'd feared they would right from the start.

Maybe he'd cry if every instinct in him wasn't screaming to run, to hide, and maybe to protect his big brother, protect them. Oh god, they'd need protecting too.

"Dean!" he called out, moving towards the bedroom. "Dean, we need to talk, now."

God, what were they going to do... this was so bad.

Everyone... God, everyone he knew and even people he didn't-- they knew. They knew and there was everything from disgust to filthy comments that had his stomach turning to... oh god, just everything. Even offers to help him get help of some kind to questioning if Dean was making him do this somehow because who could possibly fuck their own sibling willingly--which nearly got him to lose his temper.

That's when he left.

But that wasn't even the end more disturbing news. There was so much more than that.

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Dean kept quiet for a minute, letting that roll off him as best he could. It was in his nature to want to snap or growl back, but he knew Sam was in pain -- and with good reason -- so he was trying to cut him some slack. After a minute, he continued. "If we keep at it the way we have been, then yeah, we'll have the same problems. If I pick up new identification and change my last name, we can start off just as a couple. Not brothers. It'll probably still be hard, but not like this."

"You want to pretend to be a couple? You'd actually change... pretty much everything about yourself and lie every day of our lives, make up stories about how we met..." It'd be difficult to do... though it would get around the whole incest thing.

"Did I give you the impression somewhere that there were limits to what I'd do for you, Sammy?" He asked gently, hands moving on his brother's back again.

It sure as hell wouldn't be easy, but it was the only option that he'd managed to come up with since they bolted from Palo Alto that sounded like it might have a chance of working. At this point, he'd take anything that sounded like something that would make Sam happy again.

"No, but..." He shook his head, looking down. "Dean, I don't know, man. What if Dad found out... I mean, it'd be kind of hard explaining posing as a gay couple, you now? It's-- God, it's going to be bad if he picks up on anything from Stanford too, you know."

He shifted away a little, moving to lay on his back, eyes on the ceiling. "Maybe we should've gone with the couple thing back there... Maybe I should call Brady. I doubt anything could be worked out, that it could be played off, but..."

Or that he'd even want to go back and face up to that...

Dean watched Sam shift away and shrugged. "We're in danger of Dad finding out, no matter how we present ourselves. I think he'll be suspicious if he goes anywhere near Stanford and finds us gone, anyway."

The showdown with John Winchester was just about inevitable, in Dean's opinion. The big question in his mind was, would he see it coming? The most likely answer? No.

"You can call Brady if you think it'll help. Or we can drive back there. Either way, the apartment will need to be cleared out and the lease broken. I can do all that if you don't want to go back to town."

"You don't have to do that, Dean. I'm not asking you to." He didn't want Dean having to do it alone... even if the thought was daunting.

"I doubt it will help... it's hard to come back from something like incest, dude." He wasn't looking forward to Dad finding out--the blow out over Stanford had been bad enough, he didn't want to imagine what'd happen over this, let alone how Dean would deal with i.

"I know we'll have to go back eventually though... you're right. Just-- not today. Alright?"

"I know you didn't ask. I offered." He shrugged. Sam had always been the good guy, the well liked, socially acceptable one. Dean was a little more used to sideways looks and snide remarks. He'd rather do it himself than have Sam exposed to more crap like that.

"No, not today. Not even this week, if you don't want. The rent's not due for another couple weeks." He'd need to go back at some point to pick up his last check from the bar, but that was no rush either.

Sam slowly shifted back to Dean, curling until his head was rested back on his chest, resting a hand lightly against his stomach. "Just... need some time to think, dude. Still just hard to believe this is happening..."

Especially thinking back over all the ways it could have been avoided. "Guess we're getting one of those road trips a little sooner than we expected."

"Whatever you need." He ran a hand through Sam's hair lightly. Not like he was in any hurry to take action right now. He just needed to keep his mind distracted, otherwise he'd collapse in on a wave of self-pity and that wouldn't do Sam much good.

"Mmm... suppose so. Could always pretend it's a vacation."

"Mm, guess so." He curled in a little tighter, nuzzling into the other's chest. Wished it'd be easy to pretend it was just a vacation and that he'd be going back to school when it was all over, but...

"So, where do we go?"

"Anywhere you want." He stroked his hands down Sam's back, enjoying the feel of his brother cuddled up close again. It felt reassuring to have him touching and kissing again, when he was worried that this incident at Stanford might drive him away.

"I'll have to think," he murmured, letting his eyes drift shut as Dean's hands moved down his back. He couldn't lose this on top of everything else too...

Be easier if he could just let this go, maybe, but it wasn't as simple as that.

"Mmm'kay." In the meantime, he was content to just lay and rub long lines against Sam's back until they had to get up for some reason or another. Maybe they'd get up and go to breakfast in a little while, but not yet. He was warm and comfortable. "Wanna stay here another night? Or keep driving?"

Sam was just as content to lay there tangled up with Dean. It was comforting at least, the contact between them. "Guess we can stay another night... decide where we want to go in the morning or something."

He tipped his head back, watching the other a few moments thoughtfully. "Guess we should get up soon... need a shower before we figure out breakfast."

"We don't have to. Just curious." He leaned up and kissed Sam when he glanced up at him. "Is that an offer or an observation?"

"It's fine, Dean... I don't know where else to go anyway, not right now." He smiled into that kiss lightly. "Mm, offer if you want it to be." Not like they hadn't routinely started sharing showers anyway.

"Always want it to be." There was nothing he liked better than to be naked with Sam in any way he could. And being close to him right now was more important than anything else.

"Always going to be." He reluctantly drew away, climbing out from under the covers because yeah, they couldn't just stay in bed all day, tempting as it was, they'd need food soon. Ozzy'd probably want a walk soon too... "I'll start the water."

He headed into the bathroom then, getting everything ready and slipping out of his clothes.

Dean watched Sam walk away and then stretched. He rolled to his feet, paused at the other bed to give their -- admittedly spoiled -- mutt a scratch, and then headed into the bathroom to join his brother.

He sidled up behind Sam and kissed his shoulder softly.

Sam turned at that kiss, giving Dean a quick peck to the cheek. "Hey..." He stepped into the shower soon after, sighing under the spray of water while he waited on his brother to join him.

"Hey." He followed Sam in and closed the curtain, immediately wrapping his arms around his brother and pulling him close. Kissed him long and soft. "Love you."

He sighed when Dean pulled him in, his own arms settling around his brother as he pressed into that kiss. "Love you too, Dean."

He tipped his head forward to rest against Dean's, eyes drifting shut. He was quiet a moment, just enjoying the feel of Dean pressed up against him, but eventually, he had to ask something that had been picking at the back of his brain, nagging at him. "Any regrets about any of this?"

"Only that you got hurt." He kissed Sam's temple and squeezed him a little tighter. "I don't like that there's something I can't fix... I can't protect you from it."

"Dude, you kinda got hurt too, you know... I mean, I know you liked it there too." He smoothed his hands up the other's sides slowly, nuzzling him. "It helps that you're here... just don't go anywhere."

"Yeah," he agreed reluctantly. The truth was he did like it there. He liked having a home and a job. He even started making friends for the first time in years. "I'm not going anywhere, Sammy. Not without you."

this was always built to crash [for samefivealbums]

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