onlytobenormal | been too long (for siswinchester)

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siswinchester

been too long (for siswinchester)

It had been two months and three days. He'd been counting, as much as he hadn't wanted to be this hung up on his sister's visits or not. They'd talked... quite a bit over the phone, though he'd shied away from what they'd done over the weekend for the most part. Mostly because he'd been freaked out for the first couple weeks as the realization sunk in and then he didn't... know how to bring it up over the phone.

He didn't know what to say about the fact he'd fucked his own sister multiple times, that he knew it hadn't been just-- for the physical thrill of it. But the more time he had to make peace with the fact, the less the guilt weighed on him. It hadn't felt wrong, it hadn't-- been wrong. It had been between them, it hadn't hurt anyone else.

He didn't know if that meant they should do it again... probably not. It couldn't go anywhere or be anything, it sure as hell didn't factor into this new life of his. Unfortunately, he didn't know if logically knowing something was a bad idea would mean crap if he was faced with a drunk, horny sister again, especially when he couldn't help but thin of those times together. Not that he was going to admit most his fantasies involved his own sister riding him, calling out for him.

Especially not to said sister.

Despite all the risks though, Sam finally convinced her to come for a visit and she promised, promised she'd be in by Friday after his classes. Sam would be lying if he said he wasn't anxiously checking his watch, waiting... trying to keep his thoughts from drifting to what he'd like to be doing with her this weekend--which involved mostly varying states of undress in the middle of just hanging out like they used to.

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He rested his cheek against the top of her head, breathing out a sigh as she settled in. Though that hesitation caught his attention. "Yeah?" He murmured the words softly, frowning.

"You okay? Thought Dad'd be suspicious enough with just the weekend..."

Dana pulled a face at the mention of Dad, avoiding his gaze now.

"Yeah, well...Dad doesn't really care how long I'm away now. Kinda told me as much when I told him I was...coming to see you. And that you were who I saw last time I left." She frowned, recalling the fight before she left. Yeah, safe to say he was angry and both his kids right now. Thank God he didn't know about them sleeping together. That would have just been down right scary... "Said I could just stay here with you if that's where I kept runnin' off to, that he didn't need either of us anyways." Honestly, he had blown things way out of proportion, wasn't it reasonable she wanted to see her brother? At least, if it had been just because she wanted to see her brother, and not the other...reasons. But still. Dad made no sense to her, and it had hurt when he told her to just stay away. She kind of understood what Sam had been through now...

"What--" His eyes widened as she spoke, sitting up straighter. Crap. There were so many conflicting things going through his head right now-- anger at Dad, guilt that he'd begged her practically to come see him, and now... what? Was she basically stuck with him? "Dana, I didn't know asking you to come up here would... end like that."

But of course it would. As far as he knew, Dad probably couldn't stand the thought of him, let alone Dana willingly coming back into his life... and that thought just--stung more than he wanted to admit. He leaned back on the cushions numbly, staring down. God, hopefully he didn't have a clue about what they were... doing here.

Dana looked over at him, watched the emotions flicker over his face. Always so easy to read Sammy...

Reaching down, she squeezed his hand in her own. "Sam, it's...well, hell, Dad's a grown ass man. Let him do what he wants. I wanted to come see you, so don't go blamin' yourself for anything over there." She knew he was, could practically see him thinking it. No. She had sort of knew what would happen when she told Dad, maybe not quite the extent he had taken it to, but...she made her choice. She came here, Dad had given her the option to stay or go.

"You came because I kept asking you to," he protested quietly, but it didn't have much feeling behind it. He was too busy letting it sink in. He didn't even know what to do... and he didn't know if a visit like this--

God, he'd planned a weekend. He didn't know if that was worth Dana messing things up with Dad away and part of him? Was just shocked she hadn't stayed, that she'd come for him if Dad gave her a talk like that. Should be guilty about that too, maybe, but...

"What are you going to do? I mean-- what do you want?"

"Sam. I've been wanting to come back and see you since the day I left. Don't worry about it." Of course she didn't expect him to want her to stay with him. It hurt a bit, but she wouldn't say anything about it. Didn't want to fuck him up anymore than she had.

Smiling a bit, she shrugged, looking away from him. If he wanted a weekend, she could give him that. "Donno. I can always...ya know, go find jobs by myself. I'll be fine." She wouldn't touch on the second question, what she wanted was...something she couldn't exactly have, at least for long.

"You're going to work cases alone?" He repeated, frowning as he finally turned his eyes to her. "Dude, you know... you're kinda being given a free ticket here to do whatever you want, not just what Dad raised us to do. You don't have to go back to hunting."

Dana snorted. "Unlike you Sammy, I actually like what we do. Don't get all preachy on me. If I wanted to stop, I would." Hunting was what she knew, what she enjoyed. Just because Sam hadn't... Well, what else could she do anyways? She didn't exactly see some sort of normal life for herself.

"What would you like me to do? Become some prissy little house wife to a nice business man, have two kids, a dog and a white picket fence?" Yeah, wasn't exactly her dream.

"Preachy? I'm not. I'm trying to have a discussion with you... what, did you expect me to just keep my mouth shut?" Now his tone was a little sharper, eyes narrowing on Dana at her own tone. He was just-- trying to make a point here. He rolled his eyes.

"I never said that. Just you've never tried anything else... you've always just followed whatever orders he gave you."

Letting go of his hand, she crossed her arms, growing frustrated. "There is nothing to discuss Sam. What's done is done. And it isn't about following orders, it's about doing what I'm good at, what I like, and what helps people." She moved away from his side, frowning.

"What if I know I don't want to try anything else?" The hell else could she do anyways?

He glared mutely at her for a minute as she crossed her arms, moved away. He rolled his eyes. It takes a minute and a couple breaths to calm himself down enough to nod. "Yeah, alright, fine. You can do what you want."

She didn't know what she was so upset about now. She hadn't been this upset when Dad told her to stay away if she was going to see Sam. But this... Sighing, she pushed up from the couch, shaking her head. "Thanks, your approval of what I do is just what I wanted." She muttered, starting to scoop up her clothes to pull back on, not in the mood to be naked anymore.

He was getting up, grabbing his own clothes to tug back on. "You know, all I asked was what you wanted to do... and if you were sure you wanted to keep hunting when you don't have to."

What, he wanted his sister to maybe have if not a normal then safe life. That was apparently the wrong thing though. "But fine, be pissed all you want, Dana."

Yanking her shirt down over her head, she turned towards him, eyes narrowed.

"I don't have to, but what else would you rather have me do? It's not like you want me sticking around here permanently, the only place I would consider to, and I'm not settling down like I'm a normal girl anywhere else, because I know for a fact that wouldn't work with me. So maybe I do have to hunt." She snapped. Safe life. Please. She didn't believe there was such a thing for her.

Sam wasn't one to back down when he was pissed, himself. When she turned to glare at him, he straightened up and returned the look, eyes narrowing on her,... at least until her little rant and it felt like he was caught off guard like with the whole dad thing all over again. "What--"

He narrowed his eyes, not quite letting his guard down. "What the hell, Dana... do you want to stay here?" That was a question he wasn't sure he should ask, a topic he didn't know about touching on, but... she'd been the one to put it out there.

Dana paused, blinking a she mentally went back over the words she had spouted in her anger. Fuckin' hell. Trying to harden her gaze again after being thrown off, she looked away from him, not really wanting to answer that. Mostly because she didn't want to actually hear him say he didn't want her to stay. Why did she have to be so God damn stupid? "The hell does it matter?" She finally muttered, shaking her head.

"Because I asked you what you wanted, dammit." And he had a feeling Dana was just being a stubborn bitch to get on his nerves now, but he wasn't about to voice that one. "So just answer me, would you?"

He'd probably get hurt if he voiced a thought like that, considering Dana was in a sort of hit something mood now. Gritting her teeth, she snapped her gaze back to him, eyes blank to hide the brewing emotion underneath.

"I don't fuckin' like being away from you Sam. Yeah, I would like to stay here or near you, don't think it's smart though."

"Oh, yeah. Because I totally don't want you around, right? I didn't ask you to come visit at all, did I?" He grounds out, taking a step closer because he knows that blank look and the dismissive words are just pissing him the hell off.

"I don't know, Dana, seems like you're pretty deadset on doing whatever you want anyway."

"You asked me to visit, not fuckin' live with you." She watched him take a step near her, shoulders tensed, the previous content mood they had been completely ruined, especially with how angry both of them seemed to be now. But she couldn't help it. It was a sort of defense mechanism. She got scared. She got angry.

"And Dad just kicked you out... you're my sister and you're officially alone now. I wouldn't just leave you like that... or what, you think I'll just stand by and watch you walk out? Watch you figure it out on your own?" Shouldn't be touching on a topic like this--not when it's still sensitive, sore, and part of him is still reeling from hearing the same damn speech from Dad. Apparently, he liked the my-way-or-get-the-hell-out speech quite a bit.

But either way, he was prodding at a sensitive topic for them both and he knew it. Didn't seem to matter now that they were both angry at each other anyway.

"Thought you said it was a mistake when you did it... think I should repeat it?"

"Damn it, I don't want you to want me to live with you because you feel guilty or bad for me!" She took a step near him herself, riled up so much at this point, she didn't even know what to do with herself. She couldn't stop herself from saying stupid shit. "I want you to just want me to be with you. Not because of Dad or whatever. Would you even want me to if what happened with him hadn't?"

He was tense, eyeing her as she kept getting closer. "Dude, what the hell do you want from me? I call you whenever I get the chance, ask you to come up... you think I don't want anything to do with you? Seriously?" He let out a frustrated huff.

"Yeah, of course I want you to be with me... but you gotta realize I can't have you hunting crap and bringing it back here. I-- I wasn't happy doing that. I swore I'd never do it again when I left."

"Tell me you want me to live with you because that's what you want and...damn it, if you don't want me to fuckin' hunt then, just tell me not to do that either! I can compromise Sam. But I wasn't going to stop hunting if I wasn't going to be stickin' around one place." Why was this so difficult? They were both just idiots was the problem here.

And here she was, shoving it all in his court when he hadn't been able to figure out a damn thing about... what they were, what they should do besides it was going to end bad. It was going to end bad even faster if she was here... he just knew it.

That should have been even more reason to shut up, but...

"Then stay, Dana." He paused. "I want it."

been too long (for siswinchester)

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