onlytobenormal | this was always built to crash [for samefivealbums]

Entry tags:

this was always built to crash [for samefivealbums]

Sam hadn't been gone an hour and that alone should alert Dean to something being wrong. Today should have been a long one--full of late classes and maybe meeting with friends after and getting in just in time to see his big brother off in time for work. Maybe give him something more than just a goodbye kiss, if they were both feeling up for it.

But it wasn't the case today. Sam was running in the front door, slamming it shut behind him. He looked breathless and flushed, like he'd been running and wide-eyed... maybe even scared. He didn't know if Dean would be awake or still resting up before work, but maybe the ruckus would have startled him. Either way, plans had changed, things had gone to shit like he'd feared they would right from the start.

Maybe he'd cry if every instinct in him wasn't screaming to run, to hide, and maybe to protect his big brother, protect them. Oh god, they'd need protecting too.

"Dean!" he called out, moving towards the bedroom. "Dean, we need to talk, now."

God, what were they going to do... this was so bad.

Everyone... God, everyone he knew and even people he didn't-- they knew. They knew and there was everything from disgust to filthy comments that had his stomach turning to... oh god, just everything. Even offers to help him get help of some kind to questioning if Dean was making him do this somehow because who could possibly fuck their own sibling willingly--which nearly got him to lose his temper.

That's when he left.

But that wasn't even the end more disturbing news. There was so much more than that.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"We'll figure something out." He held Sam a little closer and rubbed his hands in slow circles on his brother's back. "Try to get some sleep, Sammy. It's been a long day."

"Okay, Dean..." He tried to do like Dean said and close his eyes. Eventually, he did drift off too, after the exhaustion caught up with him. He curled in tight against Dean, arm staying around him, his sleep not particularly restful or peaceful like it's been recently.

Dean stayed awake a while longer than Sam. He'd just had a nap and was a little wired from the walk with Ozzy and all the stress of the day. For a while, he just held onto Sam and kept petting him soothingly, hoping to ease some of those worry lines creasing his brother's sleeping face.

Sam relaxed a little at those touches, settling for a bit whenever Dean was petting him. At least his dreams calmed at the soothing gestures, allowed him to relax some more.

At least he didn't jostle awake too much until the next morning.

Eventually, Dean slept also. Not nearly as comfortably as he had been the last few months, but better than he had earlier. It felt good to wake up tangled up with Sam when so many of his dreams had been about losing him.

He woke slowly, nuzzling in against his brother.

Sam woke up fully to Dean nuzzling into him, tangled up, and let out a soft noise. He didn't quite open his eyes as he curled in closer, tipping in to let his lips graze against the other's jawline. "Mmm, time's it?"

He didn't want to move yet, didn't want to have to deal with the inevitable decision of what to do next. Just wanted to stay tangled up awhile...

"S'early yet. Only about nine." Hey, that was early for a guy who was used to night shifts. He pulled Sam closer and kept nuzzling at him gently. Breathed a sigh against his skin and hummed softly. "Don' wanna get up."

"Mm, yeah, me either." Nine wasn't exactly early early for Sam, but with the way he'd slept, it felt like he'd barely had any rest at all. He tipped his head, seeking out the other's lips for a brief, light kiss. "Guess there's no hurry to get out of bed now..."

"Not today, anyway." Dean kissed him back softly and squeezed him a little tighter. "We're gonna figure this out, though. Something's gonna work out for us. I promise."

Sam nodded at that. "... Exactly what's gonna work out for us though, dude? I still haven't got a clue what to do." He looked down, frowning. "I mean, it's not like we can go back or anything."

"I dunno. What would make it better?" He kissed the top of Sam's head and rested his cheek against it. "We could try it somewhere else? Get your stuff transferred over from Stanford to another school. You've got good grades, that part shouldn't be hard."

That earned an unamused snort. Maybe he'd be more willing to listen to it later, after the sting of this had kind of eased up, but right now? The thought wasn't pleasant, not if this was going to keep happening. "Why? So it can happen again? Dude... if we keep doing this, people are going to keep finding out, it's only a matter of time. I can't run from schools every time someone finds out who I'm sleeping with."

Dean kept quiet for a minute, letting that roll off him as best he could. It was in his nature to want to snap or growl back, but he knew Sam was in pain -- and with good reason -- so he was trying to cut him some slack. After a minute, he continued. "If we keep at it the way we have been, then yeah, we'll have the same problems. If I pick up new identification and change my last name, we can start off just as a couple. Not brothers. It'll probably still be hard, but not like this."

"You want to pretend to be a couple? You'd actually change... pretty much everything about yourself and lie every day of our lives, make up stories about how we met..." It'd be difficult to do... though it would get around the whole incest thing.

"Did I give you the impression somewhere that there were limits to what I'd do for you, Sammy?" He asked gently, hands moving on his brother's back again.

It sure as hell wouldn't be easy, but it was the only option that he'd managed to come up with since they bolted from Palo Alto that sounded like it might have a chance of working. At this point, he'd take anything that sounded like something that would make Sam happy again.

"No, but..." He shook his head, looking down. "Dean, I don't know, man. What if Dad found out... I mean, it'd be kind of hard explaining posing as a gay couple, you now? It's-- God, it's going to be bad if he picks up on anything from Stanford too, you know."

He shifted away a little, moving to lay on his back, eyes on the ceiling. "Maybe we should've gone with the couple thing back there... Maybe I should call Brady. I doubt anything could be worked out, that it could be played off, but..."

Or that he'd even want to go back and face up to that...

Dean watched Sam shift away and shrugged. "We're in danger of Dad finding out, no matter how we present ourselves. I think he'll be suspicious if he goes anywhere near Stanford and finds us gone, anyway."

The showdown with John Winchester was just about inevitable, in Dean's opinion. The big question in his mind was, would he see it coming? The most likely answer? No.

"You can call Brady if you think it'll help. Or we can drive back there. Either way, the apartment will need to be cleared out and the lease broken. I can do all that if you don't want to go back to town."

"You don't have to do that, Dean. I'm not asking you to." He didn't want Dean having to do it alone... even if the thought was daunting.

"I doubt it will help... it's hard to come back from something like incest, dude." He wasn't looking forward to Dad finding out--the blow out over Stanford had been bad enough, he didn't want to imagine what'd happen over this, let alone how Dean would deal with i.

"I know we'll have to go back eventually though... you're right. Just-- not today. Alright?"

"I know you didn't ask. I offered." He shrugged. Sam had always been the good guy, the well liked, socially acceptable one. Dean was a little more used to sideways looks and snide remarks. He'd rather do it himself than have Sam exposed to more crap like that.

"No, not today. Not even this week, if you don't want. The rent's not due for another couple weeks." He'd need to go back at some point to pick up his last check from the bar, but that was no rush either.

Sam slowly shifted back to Dean, curling until his head was rested back on his chest, resting a hand lightly against his stomach. "Just... need some time to think, dude. Still just hard to believe this is happening..."

Especially thinking back over all the ways it could have been avoided. "Guess we're getting one of those road trips a little sooner than we expected."

"Whatever you need." He ran a hand through Sam's hair lightly. Not like he was in any hurry to take action right now. He just needed to keep his mind distracted, otherwise he'd collapse in on a wave of self-pity and that wouldn't do Sam much good.

"Mmm... suppose so. Could always pretend it's a vacation."

"Mm, guess so." He curled in a little tighter, nuzzling into the other's chest. Wished it'd be easy to pretend it was just a vacation and that he'd be going back to school when it was all over, but...

"So, where do we go?"

"Anywhere you want." He stroked his hands down Sam's back, enjoying the feel of his brother cuddled up close again. It felt reassuring to have him touching and kissing again, when he was worried that this incident at Stanford might drive him away.

"I'll have to think," he murmured, letting his eyes drift shut as Dean's hands moved down his back. He couldn't lose this on top of everything else too...

Be easier if he could just let this go, maybe, but it wasn't as simple as that.

"Mmm'kay." In the meantime, he was content to just lay and rub long lines against Sam's back until they had to get up for some reason or another. Maybe they'd get up and go to breakfast in a little while, but not yet. He was warm and comfortable. "Wanna stay here another night? Or keep driving?"

this was always built to crash [for samefivealbums]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject