onlytobenormal | this was always built to crash [for samefivealbums]

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this was always built to crash [for samefivealbums]

Sam hadn't been gone an hour and that alone should alert Dean to something being wrong. Today should have been a long one--full of late classes and maybe meeting with friends after and getting in just in time to see his big brother off in time for work. Maybe give him something more than just a goodbye kiss, if they were both feeling up for it.

But it wasn't the case today. Sam was running in the front door, slamming it shut behind him. He looked breathless and flushed, like he'd been running and wide-eyed... maybe even scared. He didn't know if Dean would be awake or still resting up before work, but maybe the ruckus would have startled him. Either way, plans had changed, things had gone to shit like he'd feared they would right from the start.

Maybe he'd cry if every instinct in him wasn't screaming to run, to hide, and maybe to protect his big brother, protect them. Oh god, they'd need protecting too.

"Dean!" he called out, moving towards the bedroom. "Dean, we need to talk, now."

God, what were they going to do... this was so bad.

Everyone... God, everyone he knew and even people he didn't-- they knew. They knew and there was everything from disgust to filthy comments that had his stomach turning to... oh god, just everything. Even offers to help him get help of some kind to questioning if Dean was making him do this somehow because who could possibly fuck their own sibling willingly--which nearly got him to lose his temper.

That's when he left.

But that wasn't even the end more disturbing news. There was so much more than that.

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"Think I'll just stay in, man..." He tossed a fry to Ozzy before putting the rest of his trash in the bag and standing up. He reached up to tug his jacket off, followed by his shirt.

"Might get in the shower or something while you're gone."

"Okay. We won't be long. Just want to let him stretch his legs some." And maybe not piss on the carpet. The motel would probably appreciate that.

Dean got to his feet and gathered up the trash to deposit in the can outside. No sense in letting the room smell like grease all night. On his way to grab the leash for Ozzy, he paused to kiss Sam softly. "I already showered, so take as long as you want. Don't worry about the hot water."

"Alright..." He leaned in to return the kiss quickly. "See you soon, Dean."

And while Dean handled the walk, Sam gathered some clothes and went to take a long, hot shower. He was kind of looking forward to curling up in bed after--hopefully with Dean. If sleep would come, that'd be great... little bit exhausted after all this crap. Little might have been an understatement.

After his shower, he stepped out of the bathroom in boxers and a shirt, more than ready to settle in bed and get some rest.

Dean and Ozzy returned not long after Sam emerged from his shower. Dean took off the harness and leash, made sure the puppy had fresh water and food, then stripped down to his boxers to climb into bed with Sam.

He curled up, tangling their limbs together, and nuzzled in against Sam. "Think you can sleep now?"

Sam settled in against Dean comfortably, arms settling around him, letting his eyes drift shut. "Mm, maybe. Gonna try at least."

He nuzzled at the other, hands smoothing down his back absently. "Know where we're going tomorrow?"

"No idea. Figured we could get up in the morning, after some sleep, and look at some maps or something. Try to decide." He shrugged. "I mean, we could try Bobby's, but we'd have to explain why we're there with the dog and all our stuff."

"Yeah, okay..." Tomorrow sounded good. Hopefully they'd be able to think a little clearer. "Mm, yeah... though any of our secrets would make it kinda hard to stay, you know? Telling people you've been hunting monsters your whole life tends to get funny looks too, I'd imagine... not just--you know, sex with your brother." But he wasn't really in the mood to tell any more lies right now anyway... and last thing he wanted was Bobby finding out about the sex-with-Dean thing right now.

"We'll figure something out." He held Sam a little closer and rubbed his hands in slow circles on his brother's back. "Try to get some sleep, Sammy. It's been a long day."

"Okay, Dean..." He tried to do like Dean said and close his eyes. Eventually, he did drift off too, after the exhaustion caught up with him. He curled in tight against Dean, arm staying around him, his sleep not particularly restful or peaceful like it's been recently.

Dean stayed awake a while longer than Sam. He'd just had a nap and was a little wired from the walk with Ozzy and all the stress of the day. For a while, he just held onto Sam and kept petting him soothingly, hoping to ease some of those worry lines creasing his brother's sleeping face.

Sam relaxed a little at those touches, settling for a bit whenever Dean was petting him. At least his dreams calmed at the soothing gestures, allowed him to relax some more.

At least he didn't jostle awake too much until the next morning.

Eventually, Dean slept also. Not nearly as comfortably as he had been the last few months, but better than he had earlier. It felt good to wake up tangled up with Sam when so many of his dreams had been about losing him.

He woke slowly, nuzzling in against his brother.

Sam woke up fully to Dean nuzzling into him, tangled up, and let out a soft noise. He didn't quite open his eyes as he curled in closer, tipping in to let his lips graze against the other's jawline. "Mmm, time's it?"

He didn't want to move yet, didn't want to have to deal with the inevitable decision of what to do next. Just wanted to stay tangled up awhile...

"S'early yet. Only about nine." Hey, that was early for a guy who was used to night shifts. He pulled Sam closer and kept nuzzling at him gently. Breathed a sigh against his skin and hummed softly. "Don' wanna get up."

"Mm, yeah, me either." Nine wasn't exactly early early for Sam, but with the way he'd slept, it felt like he'd barely had any rest at all. He tipped his head, seeking out the other's lips for a brief, light kiss. "Guess there's no hurry to get out of bed now..."

"Not today, anyway." Dean kissed him back softly and squeezed him a little tighter. "We're gonna figure this out, though. Something's gonna work out for us. I promise."

Sam nodded at that. "... Exactly what's gonna work out for us though, dude? I still haven't got a clue what to do." He looked down, frowning. "I mean, it's not like we can go back or anything."

"I dunno. What would make it better?" He kissed the top of Sam's head and rested his cheek against it. "We could try it somewhere else? Get your stuff transferred over from Stanford to another school. You've got good grades, that part shouldn't be hard."

That earned an unamused snort. Maybe he'd be more willing to listen to it later, after the sting of this had kind of eased up, but right now? The thought wasn't pleasant, not if this was going to keep happening. "Why? So it can happen again? Dude... if we keep doing this, people are going to keep finding out, it's only a matter of time. I can't run from schools every time someone finds out who I'm sleeping with."

Dean kept quiet for a minute, letting that roll off him as best he could. It was in his nature to want to snap or growl back, but he knew Sam was in pain -- and with good reason -- so he was trying to cut him some slack. After a minute, he continued. "If we keep at it the way we have been, then yeah, we'll have the same problems. If I pick up new identification and change my last name, we can start off just as a couple. Not brothers. It'll probably still be hard, but not like this."

"You want to pretend to be a couple? You'd actually change... pretty much everything about yourself and lie every day of our lives, make up stories about how we met..." It'd be difficult to do... though it would get around the whole incest thing.

"Did I give you the impression somewhere that there were limits to what I'd do for you, Sammy?" He asked gently, hands moving on his brother's back again.

It sure as hell wouldn't be easy, but it was the only option that he'd managed to come up with since they bolted from Palo Alto that sounded like it might have a chance of working. At this point, he'd take anything that sounded like something that would make Sam happy again.

"No, but..." He shook his head, looking down. "Dean, I don't know, man. What if Dad found out... I mean, it'd be kind of hard explaining posing as a gay couple, you now? It's-- God, it's going to be bad if he picks up on anything from Stanford too, you know."

He shifted away a little, moving to lay on his back, eyes on the ceiling. "Maybe we should've gone with the couple thing back there... Maybe I should call Brady. I doubt anything could be worked out, that it could be played off, but..."

Or that he'd even want to go back and face up to that...

Dean watched Sam shift away and shrugged. "We're in danger of Dad finding out, no matter how we present ourselves. I think he'll be suspicious if he goes anywhere near Stanford and finds us gone, anyway."

The showdown with John Winchester was just about inevitable, in Dean's opinion. The big question in his mind was, would he see it coming? The most likely answer? No.

"You can call Brady if you think it'll help. Or we can drive back there. Either way, the apartment will need to be cleared out and the lease broken. I can do all that if you don't want to go back to town."

"You don't have to do that, Dean. I'm not asking you to." He didn't want Dean having to do it alone... even if the thought was daunting.

"I doubt it will help... it's hard to come back from something like incest, dude." He wasn't looking forward to Dad finding out--the blow out over Stanford had been bad enough, he didn't want to imagine what'd happen over this, let alone how Dean would deal with i.

"I know we'll have to go back eventually though... you're right. Just-- not today. Alright?"

this was always built to crash [for samefivealbums]

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