I don't know how to let you go [For whatheneeds

[onlytobenormal]

<sub>[Dean needed the sleep. He deserved it, so Sam hadn't come back to the motel room that night. He'd found another place to wait out the day, get some rest himself. He came back that night though... couldn't stay away. What he should have done was get out as fast as he could, as far away from Dean so he didn't have to follow him, could forget about him eventually... maybe.

But he didn't do that.

He checked around to make sure Dad's truck wasn't anywhere to be seen before he went to check the door, tapping on it to be let in. Figured Dean'd be locked up and he didn't want to break in if Dean was there tonight.]

((Continued from here!))</sub>

Comments

[onlytobenormal]

It doesn't... it doesn't have to be tonight. You could- think about it. Or something. _{[God, he kind of wanted to jump on this, so bad. He wanted to tell Dean that it was a good idea, that they could be together until- until forever. until they got tired of it.]}

[whatheneeds.livejournal.com]

Sam I've been thinking about it and it would fix a lot of our problems...it could also be a huge mistake...just tell me no, okay?

[onlytobenormal]

_{[Sam shrugged, helplessly. What the hell could he do? Dean was telling him what to say, so all he could manage out was a weak sigh and an event softer answer.]} No...

[whatheneeds.livejournal.com]

And if I ask, you won't do it..okay? Cause I know it's wrong but I'm getting desperate here Sam and the idea keeps looking better and better.

[onlytobenormal]

Dean, please... _{[How was he supposed to promise something like that? When he was just as desperate...]}

[whatheneeds.livejournal.com]

Please what? Sam I don't know what to do, I just want us to save a family.

[onlytobenormal]

I don't know... Dean, don't- don't trust me like that. Not when I want to do something to you, not when I barely have any control. I can't promise I won't do it if you ask me and mean it, Dean, so please...

_{[He was crying again and he couldn't stop it. God, he was scared and worried that- this wouldn't work out, that Dean would come to his senses and leave him. He could go be normal, as normal as they ever were anyway. He didn't have to put up with this.]}

[whatheneeds.livejournal.com]

Hey shhh [He pulled Sam close into a hug, trying to keep himself from crying]. I won't ask, okay? I might want to, but I wont.

[onlytobenormal]

I hate this so much... I want to be human again, Dean.

[whatheneeds.livejournal.com]

I know, but you can't. Look I'm sorry, okay? I won't mention it again, just forget it.

[onlytobenormal]

It's not your fault... _{[He sniffed, burying his face into the other's neck, lingering there for a minute.]} It's just so much to deal with. I thought I was a freak before, but at least I had you, man. You got it, you had my back and now... I'm alone and I'm gonna be alone one day.

[whatheneeds.livejournal.com]

Don't say that shit Sam, please [he raised a hand up to cradle the back of the taller man's head]. I just Saudi wasn't gonna mention it anymore and then you say stuff like that, come on man...

[onlytobenormal]

M'sorry. _{[He sniffed, starting to try and pull away.]} I'll shut up... just tired, Dean.

[whatheneeds.livejournal.com]

No it's okay, I'm just trying not to mention it [He keeps Sam right where he is, tightening his arms around him]

[onlytobenormal]

_{[Since Dean doesn't let him go, he slouches back against him. He could get away if he really wanted, but... he didn't want to.]} Just been a long week... I was scared I'd never get to see you again.

[whatheneeds.livejournal.com]

You thought you'd never see me again? I was out looking everywhere for you man. Probably would have kept lookin too, if you hadn't found me. Fuck I don't think I've gone that long without you around in years....it didnt go well.

[onlytobenormal]

Sorry I didn't come sooner... I just- I was terrified, man. _{[He didn't know how Dean would react, didn't know what he'd say.]} Still am. I don't know what to do now, Dean...

[whatheneeds.livejournal.com]

Yeah...neither do I. [he paused for a moment, voice shaking a little when he finally spokenagain]. What do you wanna do Sam? Honestly?

[onlytobenormal]

I don't know, Dean... I wanted to finish school and I wanted to get out of hunting. That's all I've been thinking about, but... _{[That wasn't happening, none of it.]} I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to become a total monster and I'm scared I will one day.

[whatheneeds.livejournal.com]

What if..what if you do turn me, and I can't keep you in check? You made the choice not to hurt peopl, what if I become a psycho or something?

[onlytobenormal]

I don't think you would... Dude, if I can do it, surely you can.

[whatheneeds.livejournal.com]

Who knows? And what if lie 100 years from now we can't remember whybwe're not supposed to hurt people? [He knew he was just trying to make excuses to get himself to change his mind]

[onlytobenormal]

I know you, Dean, and I know you don't want to hurt people. _{[Wasn't he the one always going on that he was a hero? He sighed, shifting a little closer.]} Then it'd be time for us to kill ourselves.

[whatheneeds.livejournal.com]

I... [He wanted to believe Sam was right, that they would be ok]. ...okay

[onlytobenormal]

Okay, what? _{[He looked up, confused.]}