I don't know how to let you go [For whatheneeds

[onlytobenormal]

<sub>[Dean needed the sleep. He deserved it, so Sam hadn't come back to the motel room that night. He'd found another place to wait out the day, get some rest himself. He came back that night though... couldn't stay away. What he should have done was get out as fast as he could, as far away from Dean so he didn't have to follow him, could forget about him eventually... maybe.

But he didn't do that.

He checked around to make sure Dad's truck wasn't anywhere to be seen before he went to check the door, tapping on it to be let in. Figured Dean'd be locked up and he didn't want to break in if Dean was there tonight.]

((Continued from here!))</sub>

Comments

[whatheneeds.livejournal.com]

Sam you gotta be honest with me, if Ito will you kill yourself? [The idea of it made his voice tremble slightly when he asked the question]

[onlytobenormal]

What? _{[He snorted. Like he could be honest with that. If he was, Dean would stay and it wouldn't be because he'd want to. He'd be ridding the world of a monster if he did... animals worked now, but who knew if it'd always be that way and he was already thinking horrible crap about Dean anyway. That was enough to make him a monster.]} I didn't say that.

[whatheneeds.livejournal.com]

Sam please, just...,be honest. Look, I'm sitting [He stepped away from the back and sat down on the large bed he'd gotten for himself when he bought the room,thinking he would be alone in ut]. Just tell me what you're thinking, I could always figure it out before and now I've got nothing.

[onlytobenormal]

_{[He leaned his back against the closest wall, not really trusting himself to get too close to Dean. He looked down.]} I'm thinking a lot of things, Dean... and mostly, I'm thinking it would probably have been better if I'd gone to Dad first.

[whatheneeds.livejournal.com]

Don't...don't say Sam, please. You found a way not to hurt anybody, there's no reason you have to die. [he looked up at Sam and tried to hold back those fucking tears]. Please Sam, don't go to Dad.

[onlytobenormal]

Dean... Don't do that, please. Either way, I'm a monster. So I made it one night on animals. What if that doesn't work out one day? I've already hurt someone, man... and you can say it was because I had just been turned, but it doesn't change it and it doesn't change-- a lot of things.

[whatheneeds.livejournal.com]

You didn't have any control over yourself! You do now, so please stop thinking about shit that hasn't happen. I can't go if I know you're just gonna off yourself when I'm gone. Look, just sit down and relax...you're still my brother, you don't need to do this.

[onlytobenormal]

Dean, you were right. I don't think you going with me would work. As much as I want you to... _{[And God, did he want him to. Just one normal thing in his life, someone who had his back...]} I think it'd be better if you stayed far away from me.

[whatheneeds.livejournal.com]

So you can off yourself? No, no fucking way. [He tried to while the tears away fast before they fell]. That's not fair.

[onlytobenormal]

No, it's not. [That's why he hadn't wanted to say anything. He let himself slip down the wall until he was sitting on the floor, drawing his knees up a little.

Only way to make Dean see? was probably to be honest here, as honest as he could be even if he didn't want to.] I keep thinking about making you like me, you know. I know that's unfair and you'd hate me for it... it's selfish, but I've been thinking about it anyway. That's why you're probably right in wanting to stay away from me and why you can't say I'm good. I'm not. And who knows what I'm going to become.

[whatheneeds.livejournal.com]

[His eyes widened, trying to wrap his head around what Sam was saying. He couldnt let him do that, he couldn't stand himself if he became one of the things he hunted. Still...he couldn't say that wouldn't solve a lot of his problems. Sam and him would be equal...he wouldn't get le behind.

He quickly shook his head when he realized exactly what he was considering]. It's...I cant Sam. But that doesn't make you a monster for thinking bout it. If I were in your position? I probably would have thought about the same thing.

[onlytobenormal]

Dean, stop it. You know as well as I do if it was anyone else saying this, you'd kill them. [He was getting agitated now.] I'm a monster, Dean, and I should be hunted down... what makes me any different from anything else we've killed? And maybe I don't want to do this forever, Dean.

[whatheneeds.livejournal.com]

Yeah but you're not anybody, you're Sam and that makes you different than anything we would fight. You don't want to hurt anybody. [he sighed and out his head down in his hands, resisting the urge to crumbled]. If...if I stay will you promise not to hurt yourself? [he knew this might ruin his life but if it kept Sam safe...he'd do it]

[onlytobenormal]

You're being an idiot, Dean. It doesn't matter.... _{[If he was Sam or not. He got it though. He wouldn't have been able to do it if things were reversed...]}

I didn't tell you that to make you stay, Dean. You don't want to stay with me, so don't do me any favors.

[whatheneeds.livejournal.com]

Its not about wanting to stay with you, you know I do...it's about all the other shit. Now I'll say it again, if I stay will you promise not to hurt yourself? [he looked up at him, begging him to just stop]

[onlytobenormal]

What if I hurt you? I couldn't live with myself... and either way, if you stay, dude, you're gonna end up resenting me for it.

[whatheneeds.livejournal.com]

You won't hurt me, I trust you. [he got to his feet and slowly walked over to Sam until they were inches from each owther]. I can't go out and leave you if there's a chance you'll hurt yourself. No way. I wouldn't be able to keep going after that.

[onlytobenormal]

I don't trust myself. _{[His breath hitched a little at that. Dean wasn't going to let him do this... wasn't going to let him end it.]} I won't hurt myself, alright?

[whatheneeds.livejournal.com]

If you off yourself I'll do the same, understand? [he took a deep breathe and grabbed his duffel, deciding to just give in]. You ready to head out?

[onlytobenormal]

Dean, that's not fair. You're not like me. _{[He huffed softly, shaking his head.]} You don't have to go with me. It's not like I can do anything anyway... not with you making threats like that.

[whatheneeds.livejournal.com]

What I can't go all of a sudden cause I'm not a part of the cool vampire club? Too bad, now are we going tonight or not? If you wanna stay here we either gotta get another room or you gotta get in the mood to cuddle. [Ge smiled as if nothing was wrong, because that's what he was good at, denial]

[onlytobenormal]

Dean... dammit. _{[He moved in closer to the other, grabbing at his arm.]} Stop it. Please...

[whatheneeds.livejournal.com]

What? [He didn't bother to try to pull his arm away]. Whats wrong now?

[onlytobenormal]

Why are you changing your mind? I already told you I wouldn't kill myself, even if you go. You're not letting me.

[whatheneeds.livejournal.com]

Well I don't trust you, what's the problem? We're sticking together, what else do you want me to do Sam? Just tell me.